Frozen in Time
Hearts beats fast
bitter and sweet to last
Overwhlemed by the atomosphere
He will go anywhere but here
He begins to build up fear
As it is comming near
Should he run away
Or should he just stay
He watched life slow down
As his life began to drown
Blood rushed through his veins
He began to feel a gruesome pain
The sky confuses Jeckyll
As it prepares to heckle
The air is filled with terror
When Hyde appeared in the shattered mirror
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Quotes that inspired me...
"...terror and despair, as froze the very blood of the two gentlemen below..."
"The court was very cool and a little damp, and full of premature twilight, although the sky, high up overhead, was still bright with sunset."
"...Surrounded by the air and sounds of the open city..."
So far great job. The rhyming really worked out well. There is just a few subject verb agreements that don't work but other than that it looks really good.
ReplyDeleteWow, so far, this is great. I like how you used quotes with opposite themes of above and below. Some grammatical errors, but only one or two that I can find. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work Tyler, the rhyming was very well put. I liked how they contrast each other. You also spelled Jekyll wrong. No big deal though.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job incorporating the use of the fog into this. I really could see the scene that was taking place and the rhyming just made it enjoyable to read. There are some lines that could be tweaked a little to make it flow better and make the understanding of it a little bit easier but you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the few spelling mistakes, this was very interesting. Some of the adjectives did not quite perpetuate the flow in the way you intened, my eye pointed specifically at the word heckle. I overall loved the piece, especially the last stanza minus heckle. With a touch of refinement, this will surely be an excellent poem.
ReplyDelete